Urban planning jargon is just “jibber jabber.”

This blog/rant is meant to be read like a Rick Mercer, “This hour has 22 minutes’ rant. So imagine me or yourself in an alley, full of graffiti, walking quickly and ranting about urban planning jargon. Click here if you need a refresher on Mercer’s Rants. before going further.

Let the rant begin…

Sometimes I think urban planners are just trying to piss people off. Probably my biggest pet peeve is when they use the term “units” when then really mean “homes.” I hate it when I am reading a planning document and it says, “this 18-storey building with 150 units or 25 units per acre.” Come on - they are homes not units.

And don’t get me started about area structure plans where they say, “the density will be 25 units per acre” or sometimes they say “hectare.” I think a hectare is bigger than an acre, but how much bigger.  But who cares as I really can’t visualize what either of those terms means…but if you said 25 homes (not units) per football field - that I could visualize.

The same goes for affordable housing projects where they say, “it will cost $300,000 a door!” Yikes that an expensive door for an affordable housing project…what they really mean is per home. Why not just say that?

What about the term “head count” when what we really mean is “employees,” I guess that is what an employee has been reduced to these days “a head.” Walk into any office these days an all you see is a sea of “bobbing heads” in their cubicals.

And what about those traffic gurus who use terms like “skeletal, arterial, collector, feeder, trunk and local” roads seemingly interchangeably.  What is a hell is a “trunk road?” Does it mean only cars with trunks can use them. Calgary has “both urban boulevards, and neighbourhood boulevards and something called parkways.”  

How about just saying two, four or six lane road with or without parking?

Who knew Memorial Drive is a “parkway?” Or for that matter that Kensington Road is a neighbourhood boulevard.  I always thought a boulevard has grass divider, maybe with some shrubs or trees - Kensington Road has neither. And get this 16th Ave NW aka the TransCanada Highway is an urban boulevard! Sure, doesn’t seem like a boulevard across from North Hill Shopping Mall.

And don’t get me started with terms like downtown core, greater downtown, central business district, city center, inner city, established communities, urban villages, master-planned communities, new communities, new suburbs, edge communities, edge cities etc.

Is there really a difference between inner-city vs established community? What about a new suburb vs a new community? Is greater downtown the same as city centre or is that centre city?  Who comes up these terms.

I really think they don’t want us to read their documents.

And what is the difference between a rowhouse and townhome? Anybody know? Anybody care?  And you gotta love the new marketing terms for a duplex aka side-by-side or paired-home, maybe even a twin home.

Speaking of home names what is the difference between a lane home, coach house, carriage house, garden suite, garage suite and/or granny flat (what about Grandpa, can’t he live there?).  And are any of these considered a secondary suite, or is a secondary suite synonymous with basement suite. And can you have both a basement suite and one over the garage?

Don’t get me started about park terminology! Anybody know what the difference is between a “Parkland” and a “Park?” or for that matter a “Greenway” vs a “Pathway?”  What is the difference between a park and a green space. How big can a parklet be before it becomes a park? Can a plaza be a park? Or can there be a park in a plaza. Is a pop-up-park really a park? And how does the public realm differ from the streetscape? And now does this all combine into placemaking?

I get a “park and a pathway” the rest of it is “jibberjabber!”

What about the term “urban fabric” that gets thrown around like we are at a quilting bee. Perhaps I should ask a quilter if they know what this means. I doubt I’d get the same definition if I asked 10 urban planners. 

How about “tactical urbanism” sounds like we are at war when it comes to “city building” these days. Hmmm…maybe we are.

Oh boy, now were on to something fun…what is the difference between a bike lane and cycle track? Maybe avid cyclists know, but who else cares. And then we have shared lanes, shared pathways, protected bike lanes, buffered lanes and even bike boxes and hatched medians. It is anybody’s guess who has the right of way at street corners these day, with advance signals for pedestrian and cyclist to give them a head start from drivers.   On your mark get set “Go!”

Maybe I should just stop reading and ranting and go flaneuring….

Last Word

If you enjoyed this rant, you will also enjoy this excerpt from “Utopia” an Australian TV comedy show that is a satire on urban planning and nation building. One of my favourite episodes: “Is A High-Speed Rail Possible in Australia?”